He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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