i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
