there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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