we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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