I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
