sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
