The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
