His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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