I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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