So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I deserve this hangover.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
