I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
