I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
God gave him joint rollers for hands
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
