Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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