i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
