yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So many bounce houses so little time
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
