Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
