haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
