the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
