I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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