i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
