Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
