Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
