I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
