Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
