it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it's great music for shaving your balls
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
