Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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