we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
