dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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