Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize