Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
