Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
