I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
