he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
