so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
