My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
