I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
