honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
