I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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