I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
did i just pee glitter
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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