puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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