Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
