I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
