I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
