Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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