I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
