There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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