i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Of course I have a pirate flag
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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