duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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