giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
