Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
