I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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