I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
