I wish I could punch you in the face.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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