How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize