We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
