I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
