I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
