They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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