It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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