I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
