Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
worst night to have a conscience
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
