Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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