So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
