Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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